If I want any soap out of you, I'll mash on your head!
There. Don't you feel better? Wash away the day's frustrations during your regular ablutions with one of these soap dispensers, programmed by our Ceramic Mollification Department to absorb bad vibes and suspicious odors. Works as a lotion pump to further soothe away ill feelings and seething anger. In fact, these pumps will discharge most any destructive emotion with a viscosity less than about 3,000 centipoises
Not recommended for feeding baby birds, oiling locomotives, or bank holdups.